Last Monday marked the final day of my Jungian coaching training. In this course, we primarily worked with visualizations and symbols to connect with our unconscious. The last lesson focused on death, completion, and saying goodbye. That might sound a bit heavy, but when the instructor asked who was good at saying goodbye and who preferred to skip it, it became clear how important this theme is. I thought to myself: yes, I’d love to skip this part. But I wasn’t unique in that. Every hand went up when she mentioned skipping an ending. No one liked consciously stopping to reflect on what a goodbye truly means.
Saying Goodbye and Self-Reflection
In addition to saying goodbye to each other and the beautiful setting we had shared for almost a year, I had also had to say goodbye the night before to a man I had been dating for a short while. Although it wasn’t an intense or long relationship, I noticed I was beginning to become attached to him. I didn’t feel sadness, but there was an undefined sense of discomfort. Something I recognized from my previous breakup. Apparently, it was still there as soon as I was alone again. I realized I was projecting something onto this man and giving him responsibility for a deep desire within me.
Practicing with Visualizations
During the class, we were given ten minutes to do a body scan and have an imaginary conversation with a sensation in our bodies. For some, this is challenging and abstract, but after much practice, the information from my unconscious flows almost effortlessly into my conscious mind. Because I had lost track of time while coaching my classmate Patty, only four minutes remained for my own session. Luckily, it wasn’t hard to signal a feeling in my body; my emotions had clearly settled in. I felt a radiance over my chest, starting from my throat.
When I focused on it, I was drawn to my spine. And what was remarkable: while guiding Patty, I had unexpectedly said things like, “Walk down your spine.” I never say that! Apparently, I had been unconsciously preparing for my own session.
The Black Dot and Finding Meaning
On my spine, I saw a small black dot. When Patty asked me to explore it further, the answers came naturally. The black dot wasn’t really a dot, but an emptiness — a sort of mini black hole. When she asked what it was doing there, it started moving. It kept nervously going back and forth, as if it couldn’t find peace. She asked about the purpose of the dot. And then, just before time was up, I knew: the dot had no purpose. It was looking for a purpose. A life purpose. “I am looking for my purpose.”
The Mirror of Meaning
In the summer, I told my parents: “I think I’ll only be ready for a relationship once I have my career in order.” The reason was that in all my relationships, I’ve felt inequality in terms of money and career. When I do work that I truly enjoy and am good at, it gives me a sense of meaning. Then I don’t need another person to give me meaning.
While dating this man, this theme was thrust forward. Although I had made that statement to my parents only three months earlier, I had forgotten about it out of excitement. This man had doubts about a future with me, precisely because of money and career. If there had been real love, this wouldn’t have been an issue. But because there was no love (yet), it was mirrored back to me. And that mirror hurt. Feelings of inferiority and “not being good enough” surfaced.
A Valuable Lesson
On Sunday night, when we realized it wasn’t going to work, I felt that emptiness again. As if I had lost my sense of meaning. I had projected it onto him, just as I had done with my partners before. When that black dot nervously moved back and forth, I suddenly saw what I had been feeling all along. The answer was right in front of me. And that after just four minutes of Jungian coaching.
Do I have all the answers now? No. Now the real work begins. Perseverance. Setting up my coaching and doing what I’m good at. Being visible. This blog is a start. I want to show you what four minutes of coaching did for me, what it clarified, and what I had to consciously face. All the answers lie within us, sometimes buried a bit deeper than other times.
Dare to Embrace the Mirror
Sometimes I use tarot cards. They too show me what I already know deep inside. If I don’t like what the cards say, I keep doing reading after reading, but the answers stay the same. Deep inside, I know it’s true. And thanks to these four minutes of coaching, I knew what I had been ignoring and what I was afraid of.
I ignored how small I felt with him, while I longed to become bigger. And I was afraid to take full responsibility for my life again. The here and now is the same, but my vision for the future now consists only of myself. And that’s okay.
It’s time to do the work. I’m grateful for this mirror. It’s painful, but valuable. And I hope that, when you’re ready to turn painful lessons into valuable insights, you dare to create new images in your mind.
Discover Your Purpose
Curious about what Jungian coaching can do for you? Contact me for a session or leave a comment. The answers are within you, ready to be discovered.
With love,
Leonie
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